Cold Mind

It was actually quite surprising and hilarious how much burden i felt lift right off my shoulders. I’ve been enjoying being silence and I’ve found myself awfully ignorant towards other peoples around me.

Ya, It’s a chaos really.

I forgot things, I lost my feelings entirely.. it feels numb.

I hear and I forget,

I don’t know how many times mom says the same thing to me only because I’m asking the same thing.

I walk straight without realizing that someone is shouting my name behind.

I’m using headsets while working in office with the highest volume.. but I don’t hear it actually, until my songlist is done  playing and stop.. I didn’t notice it.

My chief usually calls the name of us, we stand up and come to his room, but these two weeks, he came to my desk, and shaking his hand in front of my eyes. He said to me, “is anything okay?” I answered him by asking “anything wrong with my design?” He laughed and telling me, “no, you are completely okay, you do everything really nice, but just.. could you be more relax, you are too serious.”  

I smiled, and said the same “yes Sir.. I‘ll try”

Last weekend, I forgot the meeting with cat, or I actually didn’t feel like I do make a promise to meet him. I really don’t know that I’ve been avoiding to get along with peoples lately.. I realized this, until he said, “you changed.. I wish I could get back the past, when I exactly can see your smiling face around 10 am or 10 pm everyday.”

Ya, we changed since it gradually became more and more.. than what we are supposed to be, everything changed and I have to stop it right away.. I’m feeling like I have lost my close friend.. 

Over the weeks, I don't know.. severe? 

I've lost interest in mostly everything I used to enjoy.. 

I don't even know if this is considered depression or anything.

Teach me how to feel life, without thinking. 

I just wanna feel it..